Losing my dad: ‘Everything looks the same but it isn’t’ – BBC News

[Music] hi yeah i'm good how are you yeah yeah i'm not too bad thank you not too bad i'm aware it's friday but doesn't quite feel like it's friday because nothing's happening but yeah no friday feeling no exactly so i would love to hear about your dad lobby yeah i lost my dad in april it was a bit of a shock because he was quite a uh healthy guy he was just a very kind encouraging and nurturing man um spent a lot of time doting on us as his family and um we were all yeah very lucky to have to have him as my dad very lucky but you lost your father as well yes i lost my dad two years ago now and he was quite like a quiet but like confident guy yeah we got on like really well like we used to make fun of each other and like also have like lots of like dinner table like debates they always kind of let me speak my mind like without judgement and i think that's what kind of made him like such a wonderful dad to me so yeah so how's it kind of been um during kind of lockdown it's been tricky because you can't do i think the things that you usually do to comfort yourself um haven't really been able to see people that much i think the kind of toughest part was falling asleep and waking up because when you wake up you kind of you're you know you're out of a dream you have that like split second and then you like remember and it like dawns on you like your reality there's points i feel like i'm going insane the world sometimes feels really strange and disconnected because everything looks the same but nothing feels the same when you don't feel great people who care about you want to help you feel better but sometimes it's just like i know i don't i feel bad and i don't i'm not i don't want to feel any better you don't want to feel yeah yeah i don't want you to try and cheer me up right now i just feel bad if you're just honest and upfront and be like hey i'm not feeling great but also don't you don't need to cheer me up i just want i just want to speak that people people are happy to listen so did you get a to say goodbye to your dad yeah kind of i so on the day he died i kind of rushed back up home i i'm i'm a bit of a softy so i tell people i love them all the time um but i kind of wish that i had uh i don't know spent more time saying that and making it clear and i really wish that i told him that i was proud of him that i appreciated what he'd done um in in building our family and the sacrifices he'd made and that i was never um ashamed to to say that he was my dad and just that it was really it was an honor and always will be to be his son so when we knew he was um really ill i got a phone call from work kind of rushed back and he was in his bed and i remember kind of sitting next to him and like holding him or whatever i was like thinking of everything in my head like what i should say and my dad he was quite an emotional person and i was thinking like how would he be feeling right now what does he kind of want me to say and i remember like thinking it like say it say say it and i couldn't i just kind of sat there for ages and then i just said like i'll look after my mom and my sisters this will be the first like christmas you lost your dad a couple of years ago now like how's that been dealing with those events that we've kind of changed certain like traditions like ones that would involve my dad and it's too sore to like reenact or do again we're like doing something completely different any kind of advice i would give to anyone would be like respect each other's grieving processes i know that you've got obviously like siblings and a mum everyone grieves differently so don't expect someone to grieve like you're grieving i find it quite helpful to hear other people's stories i've been listening to podcasts and reading things and just feeling help me feel like i'm not alone but also understand that this is unfortunately the part of life and it doesn't have to be the end of it or consume everything that it's something that happens and we continue and carry it with us and become and it becomes part of who we are as people so you

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