Hi Hello. Welcome to… ASMR with you. Just as an extra special treat… We brought some of our favorite… What do you have? Do you have some spoons? Freeze! Don’t even think about moving! Don’t move! And if I hear you make a sound… Bang! Bang! Alright. Bag him! Let’s go! That’s lovely. I can not believe we just kidnapped somebody! That was amazing! Flawless kidnapping! We did so good. We are going to get paid! I would have thought we were professionals! Right? Hey, hey! Eyes up here! You’re not going anywhere… Hey, I didn’t say this last time but… Could you stop with this fake man voice thing? It’s freaking me out. Sorry, are you serious? Yeah, seriously.
It freaks me out. Well, somebody has to be the man around here… Oh, come on. That’s a low blow. I’m just saying. Well, we’re here. We’re just dropping off the hostage, right? Yeah, we drop the hostage off. Do the hand-off. We get a million dollars cash. And then we don’t have to work any more. Hey, who is this guy? That can’t be him. Just be cool. I think it is him. No. Gangsters drive nice cars. Why is he in this thing? What is he doing? Hello! Get out of the car. Are you Patty D? Get out of the car! I think we get out of the car, man.
He’s serious. Uh… You just stay there. It is a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for this opportunity. I don’t know who that is… But that’s not who I told you to kidnap. That’s impossible! That was the only person at North Martel. We checked. South Martel! I said South Martel! Ohhh… You idiots! I’m bad with directions! Anybody could have made that mistake! This is the person I wanted. Well, they kind of look alike. You could probably still use this person. You think this is some kind of video game? No. You think this is a joke? No! Hey! Be cool! The only game I’m going to be playing is Duck Hunt with you two.
Whoa. Okay. You better get this situation fixed by tomorrow night… Okay. Or you’ll both be sleeping at the bottom of the lake. You got it, Patty D. Tomorrow night! No more games! No more games! We’ll fix it! No more games… I like that jacket. Get in the car! Get in the car! We’re going to fix this! Shut up and get in the car! That is a huge mistake! He’s a gangster? We kidnapped the wrong person! Yeah, this happens all the time.
We’ll just – We’ll go kidnap the right person. People kidnap the wrong person all the time! Do they? Yeah! It happens. You know… It would be nice if you said something. It’s good to know when we kidnap the wrong person! Yeah, she does have a point. What’s your deal? You could have said something. You know, I don’t like the way you’re looking at us. Get the bag. You are freaking me out. I don’t trust you. Mmm… Let’s see what is in the wallet. Identification… Oh, that’s your name! Ha! I like it! Whoa, Chili’s gift card! Hey, Oh! Score! We’ll take that! We got some cash… Two dollars? You might as well keep that.
Yeah, dude. I don’t see anything in here about kidnapping the wrong person. Nothing? It’s a book on kidnapping. Yeah. It just assumes you kidnap the right person. Whatever. We have to make a plan. What are we going to do? We could just take you back. Promise not to say anything. It will be fine. No. I don’t trust you. We need to… Cut that tongue out! Whoa! No dude. Uh… That’s creepy and way too disturbing. Who are you? Ohh, okay. Please, make a suggestion then. You could just move in with us! Yeah, like… We’ll be best friends. We could hang out. Move in with us?! That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! What are we going to do? Take you around with us wherever we go? I already take care of you. I can’t take care of another person! Alright. Just make a decision. I don’t care. Make a decision…make a decision… I’ll make a decision. I’ll make this decision right now.
Three… Two… Hello? Are you guys back? You said she wasn’t going to be here! She wasn’t! I can hear you in there! Just a second! Get the sheet! Not a word! Oh, look at those masks! Are you two making Youtube movies? Yes, Mom. You two are so talented! Mom, do you mind if we just finish this shot? Well, sure. But I wanted to tell you I made your favorite! Breakfast waffles…for dinner? With chocolate chips! Mom, I love you so much! Alright. We’ll be right there. Whew! That was close. Dude, we have got to move out of your mom’s house! Hey…
I told you this was just temporary. We’re going to move out. I promise. You’ve been promising that for months! Look. Once we get enough money from this kidnapping job… We’re going to be able to do whatever we want! Really? Yeah! Let’s finish this job right now… No! We’re not murderers. We’re kidnappers! No! We’re not! We’re not anything! We’re idiots who quit our jobs and now we do this! We’re going to fix this…
But not until tomorrow morning. Hey. Come on… Come on… Come on… Stop… Look. Let’s just go get some waffles… It will make everything better. Alright. But we’re going to fix this tomorrow, right? Yeah. Katie: Alright. Well, we better hurry up. You know how your mom eats everything. Hey… I figured you want to be comfortable before you go to bed, right? There you go… Look. Sorry you had to see that. Things are a little… Things are a little weird between us right now. I convinced her to quit her job and do a Youtube thing. And that didn’t work out. I convinced her to kidnap somebody with me and… Well that clearly did not work out.
I don’t know… Hey… We’re going to fix this! I’ll get you back to your home. Alright? Have a good night. Don’t move! Don’t move! He’s spinning his head around like a weirdo! He’s twiddling his thumbs! Think you’re better than me? He’s wiggling his toes! Because you’re watching an iPad? This little piggy went to market…
Tickle. Tickle. Tickle. Bang! Chitty, chitty. Bang, bang. I’m Neo and you’re Trinity. Okay. : Ready? You hit me in the nuts! .